I understand … i have a dark side.
Somehow … i also accept it.
Not for 100%, but i accept it.
I succeed doing this … only after i saw those moments when i lost the control on myself.
When the animal … came to surface.
Doing … lots of stupid things.
… in continuous form.
So … maybe i must train this wild animal … hided deep inside myself … to be more obedient.
Be conscious … of all.
And … not allow myself … the dominance of the dark side.
Of course … theory is simple.
In real case scenario … i just lose control all the time.
Emotions overwhelm me.
I lose my minds.
And there is always something which i can’t control.
Jealousy.
Envy.
Fear.
Frustrations.
Actually … the whole spectrum of negativity.
I am not dominated … by all those negative emotions … but randomly … it just happens.
… without realising.
Yes … i simple lose control … and all comes to surface.
… becoming obvious.
For me.
For everyone.
Today … i am not unhappy anymore cause it happens.
I accept all.
I know is part of life.
And … i can only accept … smile … and try to control … myself.
… even if it looks impossible.
I allow all to happen.
Then … i meditate.
I visualise all … 1,2,3 … 27 times.
I ask … “Why things happen this way?!
What is this dark side?!
What is the meaning of jealousy, fear … envy …?!”
Most certainly … it all reveals things which i need to solve … deep inside myself.
But … i refuse it.
So … maybe the real trick is to become friend with that wild animal which is inside myself.
Speak together.
Ask for explanations.
Understand … the illogical … beyond all is going on.
Then decide together it is the time … for an improvement.
Be … a better human.
… at least on the stage of life.
And … the craziness itself should be expressed… differently.
Maybe … in writing.
… cause that is what i usually do to express what is deep inside myself.
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philosophical & spiritual essays” written by the romanian author Adrian Dumitru for FREE.
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